My Brother Mike

nvenn — Fri, 15 Nov 2024 20:44:59 +0000

By Joe DiPaola, Penn-Mar Sibling

Mike joined our family as my younger brother when I was five. I don’t remember much of those early days except that my parents were worried about Mike’s health and future. Yes, Mike was different, but to my family Mike was first and foremost a son and brother. Some may have looked at Mike differently, but my Mom and Dad would have none of it. Instead, his successes and achievements were celebrated along with those of my other brother and me.

Mike was born with a developmental disability in what was thankfully a “goldilocks” time period. Born after the horrors of institutions were exposed as local, state, and federal governments began to recognize the need to provide resources and a quality education that maximized the capabilities of individuals. Mike attended Ridge school where he thrived. He played on sports teams, learned meaningful life skills, and made lifelong friends. Today, the debate over schools for people with disabilities versus mainstreaming has tilted toward mainstreaming, but for my brother, the education and experiences at Ridge school along with the love and attention from his family were invaluable and left Mike with no lack of confidence.

Mike joined Boy Scouts and over the course of more than a decade, managed to achieve scouting’s highest rank of Eagle. He was involved in drama and was never shy about sharing his thespian talents with an audience. Over the course of many years Mike collected a wall of medals from a variety of special Olympic events including swimming, track & field, bowling, and skiing. He is well traveled, having cruised to Alaska, skied in Utah, vacationed in Mexico, journeyed across Ireland, and crisscrossed the United States. For the past two decades, Mike has worked in the grocery business. He is well known and respected for the care and attention to detail with which he performs his duties.

And along the way, he passed life lessons to me that resonated to my deepest core. Lessons more relevant and meaningful than from a sage. Mike’s needs showed me what a parent will do and should do to protect their child’s dignity and foster their full potential. I marveled at Mike’s effort and determination required to master the task of tying shoes, riding a bike, or communicating clearly. I learned what true sacrificial love is and what it means to put someone you love first. When others might tease, I discovered what is required to fight for justice even if that justice was handed out through martial means. I learned that everyone has a right to be treated equally and respectfully regardless of their physical or intellectual differences.

Mike is a fine man, as interesting and as imperfect as the rest of us. When those not part of the disabilities community comment that, “they are always so happy,” I chuckle and think of all of the times that I argue with my brother like anyone else. I provoke and tease my brother like any big brother would do. And I live with the idiosyncrasies that make Mike unique. Some of those include that only birthday cake ice cream with rainbow sprinkles will do. Pizza from Papa John’s on Friday nights and Uno at 9pm, not before. A “yes or no” question is usually followed by a response of “maybe,” and any input or counsel to Mike inevitably elicits the retort of “I know that!” But if a measure of one’s life is the ability to touch the lives of others and inspire those around you to be the best version of themselves, then Mike leads a life that is sublime.

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A Sibling’s Perspective

nvenn — Tue, 04 Jun 2024 21:14:07 +0000

By Doug Summerson, Penn-Mar Sibling

Doug Summerson (L) and Abbie Summerson (R) as children.

I have one sibling – my older sister, Abbie.

At an early age, Abbie was diagnosed with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) and autism. She communicates verbally but does not have the ability to do typical daily tasks that most take for granted. Her mood can swing wildly from one minute to the next. She often yells and sometimes expresses herself physically.

During childhood, a time when we all crave social acceptance, this weighed heavily on me. I used to wish my sister was “normal” and wondered why this happened to my family. Why didn’t I have siblings like all my friends and classmates? I worried about how others viewed me because of my sister.

My most vivid memory comes from elementary school. Abbie and I were in the same school because her disabilities were not as well recognized or understood back then, and schools didn’t have the funding or support to serve differently. I suddenly heard her screaming in the hallway, having the kind of meltdown that usually needed to run its course. However, all I could feel in that moment, as I sunk low into my chair, was everyone’s eyes staring at me as they snickered to one another.

It wasn’t until my later teenage years that I came to recognize the value of my experiences. Rather than wish for different circumstances, I started to focus on what I had learned. Reflecting, I realized that I no longer envied other families. Instead, I felt sorry for those who couldn’t experience the same childhood I did.

My sister, parents, and friends taught me to:

Value the positive in every situation.
Appreciate strong friendships and relationships – rather than care about opinions of the masses.
Accept others’ differences. Don’t distance yourself, ignore, or battle those who act and look different than you.
Do everything to the best of your ability. My sister, and many like her, work hard to stretch themselves to achieve and learn more, often in circumstances that do not accommodate their differences.

Though it took me far too many years to recognize – a lot of who I am is because of my sister and my wonderful family. Finding Penn-Mar has been a transformative experience for both Abbie and our entire family. When I think about what Penn-Mar means to me, it boils down to three things:

Inclusion: This has been a lifelong challenge for my sister, but Penn-Mar has provided a sense of community and belonging that is truly invaluable. Seeing my sister form meaningful connections with both peers and staff has been heartwarming. Her home is more than just a place to live; it’s a place where my sister feels understood, accepted, and valued for who she is.
Independence: While my sister still requires a lot of individualized attention and support (which the wonderful staff provides), she has the opportunity for independence. Having her own apartment has created a pride in organization and cleanliness of her home. She has gotten to volunteer at churches and animal shelters, supported by her staff.
Peace of Mind: Supporting someone with special needs is no easy task, and my parents are nothing short of superheroes. The decision to allow someone else to care for your child/sister who cannot take care of herself independently, is a difficult one. But Penn-Mar is special. Knowing that my sister is in a safe, caring, and enriching environment has alleviated many of the concerns we had about her well-being and future.

We are deeply grateful for the unwavering support, compassion, and excellence Penn-Mar has provided and we look forward to continuing to be a part of this wonderful community.

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siblings Archives - Penn-Mar

My Brother Mike

By Joe DiPaola, Penn-Mar Sibling

A Sibling’s Perspective

By Doug Summerson, Penn-Mar Sibling